Work

Now I am stuck in Court waiting, I have been waiting for a long time. Unfortunately the case I have has a number of fundamental problems, my client was deported from the United Kingdom for faciltating entrance to the United Kingdom for other illegals. No sooner was he removed than he availed himself of his own fine service and hey presto, he is back! Unfortunately, his application has the following problems:

a. He is subject to a deportation order (i.e. unless he gets it revoked he is not allowed back);

b. He has no right of appeal;

c. His solicitor knows less about the law than him;

d. He is a stranger to the truth.

a. - c. would be fatal on their own, d. merely means adds the icing to his already well cooked cake.

Yesterday's client, a 36 year old father, was unfortunate, he struggled to understand that the insurance document he had purchased in a pub over a game of pool (for £500.00) was false (I joke not). When asked what information the "insurance salesman" asked for he replied "my name".

I explained that this was not a trick question, and what else did he ask for, he repeated his name and then looked blank (a look to which I am not unusued to, maybe it is me after all).

"Well when you bought other insurance, what other information did they ask you for?"

"I have never bought insurance before"

"Ah, that would explain the other convictions then"

His plea of not guilty did not look like it would meet with success, however he was adamant that he thought the certificate was genuine.

It was then suggested to him that to succeed on this basis he would have to demonstrate to the Court a level of cognitive impairment such as would place him, intellectually, on a par with fish. When this was explained to him in simple terms, i.e. "you are going to have to show the Court you are, and I mean no disrespect by what I about to say, daft", he replied,

He asked what I meant and then said "ok, well I can't read or write"