meee

September 2008

Domestic Violence

Contacted by solicitor to draft grounds on behalf of client who was complaining that they were the victim of domestic violence and sought to stay in UK on back of Home Office policy to allow people who are victims to stay.

Client was from G in Africa, client had a name which at first blush did not immediately indicate whether they were a man or woman, given the upsetting and unusual nature of case, I decided to research the grounds and was fairly impressed with them when they were sent off.

A month later, a conference was booked with the client, to whom I was going to show the utmost curtesy (as always) and also sympathy, given that she was likely to be a vulnerable woman. The first surprise was that he was a man. The second that he was a large, well built and very relaxed looking man.

Well perhaps, thinks I, that his wife was particularly unpleasant and violent and he, being the perfect gentleman, just took it.

I start by explaining my role and exhorting him to tell me the truth so "I can best represent you..." and then proceed to ask him where he met his wife, to be met with a blank stare. I assure him that it was not a trick question. He stares back. I inform him that most people can remember when they have met their wife. Blank look.

Desperation seeks in.

I try again, reaffirming that he needs to tell the truth and give me as much information as possible and on the papers before me, he has a good case, I also, imagining that he is in pain try a different tack...

"Why did you marry your wife?"

"To get a visa"

Now why I am sure that is the underlying reason behind a lot of marriages (there being a great number of young, tanned males married to large, pale and malnourished British women in the Immigration Courts), noone has ever made so bold as to say so expressly.

Shock...professional conduct issues rose before my eyes...

Maybe he has made a mistake (in telling me the truth perhaps), so one last effort...

"Have you slept with your wife?"

"No"

"Did she ever go to G. with you?"

"No"

"Right could you just wait outside"

"Yes"

Conference with (panicked) solicitor ensued, at which we both considered a. photos in the Sun, and b. a career change (Tescos).

Client called back in..

"Now thank you for telling me the truth Mr Y. I can no longer represent you"

"Why?"

"You have lied"

"Oh"

And with that he left.

Youth Court

The Youth Court is a particularly strange enviroment, while one is used to being insulted by the Crown, the Judge and despised by all and sundry, the one person who (usually and subject to bail and / or non-custodial sentence) is polite(ish) is the defendant. But not in the Youth Court.

Why it is called "Youth Court" is in itself a mystery. The defendants are not Youths, not in any conventional sense of the word. And it bears no resemblence to a Court, everyone sits and smiles at each other and the defendants are treated as if they are clients.

Also the defendants are generally there for one of two charges, burglary or robbery. And sometimes for having a knife.

Charming.

Also they view their representative as "one of them", which is indeed not that far from the truth, I suppose we are adults.

What is amusing is that they are required to attend with an adult, either a parent, relative, social worker or some other poor unfortunate who cannot divest themselves of the task. Imagine, parents day at school with criminals (with attitude).

Sympathy, Empathy, Understanding are not respected or even desired, this I found to my cost. I have found that the best approach is rigorous honesty...

Such as when the Youth Offending Team (probation service for young people) lost a report causing everyone to wait hours.

"Whose fault is it we have to stay here, I cannt believe we have to wait, dont they know their job, its a liberty we have to wait, aint nothing that cannt be done, why do we have to wait if they cannt get their act together?"

"Because you keep going into peoples houses at night univited"

and

"I dont wanna wear a tag. It aint fair. Why have I got to wear one?"

"To stop you burglaring other houses"

"The photo of the knife shows it wiv the blade out, but it was folded when the police found it"

"You had the knife clipped inside your underpants"

"Yeah"

"Would you have clipped it inside your underpants open?
"No"

"Thought not"

And so it goes, invariably this approach has the client tripping out of Court asking you to represent them on their (and there always is) next appearance, this is after they have asked you for a. money, b. cigarettes, c. a lift.