Thursday 25 September 2008

more Algerian throat

throat still very sore, still not able to talk, but not such a problem as off to Siberia...and quiet

received odd email from soon to be ex, which is, as usual, a bit upsetting, though there is no point responding, not unless I want to be reminded just how poor a specimen of humanity I am (again). Very upset she is, but it is disturbing. Ah well it could be worse I could be in detention and be an Algerian...
The client before mine was such an Algerian, he had been in detention for 2 years waiting for a travel document from the Algerian Embassy. The Home Office said that he would have it soon, they have been saying it for over a year apparently. Unfortunately, for the Algerian, Algeria never issues travel documents, so he is in for a very long wait.
He is also going to be very lucky to get bail as:
a. he has no lawyer (presumably any money he has stolen is now spent);
b. he has criminal convictions (for theft);
c. he has used a number of different names (when stealing things).
He is not an atypical Algerian, Algerians only ever claim asylum when they have been caught stealing (usually shoplifting or robbery on or around Oxford Street (only the best shops /clients for them, no Lidl or Aldis...)). Oh and they all give false names, usually more than one, apparently its a condition of them being allowed in.
As an aside, as if this blog is not one enormous aside, how does anyone know if any asylum seeker or illegal entrant has claimed asylum in his real name or used a fake name as he is / was wanted in his own country for ............(insert offence of choice, anything from assault, through rape to genocide - in the grand old asylum and immigration courts no perversion is too low..I have heard it all from political opinions, through pedophilia ("my 12 year old boyfriend's father objected to the relationship" (Iran) to necrophilia ("I got caught taking the body...(literally) have placed it outside to warm it up in the sun" (Iran) - and all this before lunch).
The answer to the question "how do you know if they have given their real name is ?" is you don't. Sometimes, and again I jest not, the first time you become aware of it is when one of their victims (torture) sees their assailant in the United Kingdom pretending to be a victim as well.

Back to the Algerian. His application was to use a phrase "Doomed to fail". He struggled gamely on in a broken form of South London English - an odd accent for a Francophone. So odd that the Judge (keeping a straight face) asked him where he learnt English.
Given he had been in prison for 2 years 3 months and in the country for about 4 no prizes for guessing where.
The Judge plowed on and complimented the Applicant
"I commend you for your English it stands you in very good stead. When you go back to Algeria it will really help you"
What in the tourist industry?
In Algeria, in one of the all inclusive "shoot as many infidels for a fiver" resorts.

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